A role model should be like the light at the end of a tunnel, guiding you when you’re lost. Our society has many good role models, but when it comes to our surroundings, you could find that there are not that many. People who are around you on a daily basis apply steady doses of themselves, meaning they project what they are and expect you to meet their expectations. If they are many and inside your closest circles the effect can be dramatic.
WHO ARE YOUR ROLE MODELS?
Your first role models would be your parents if you were lucky to have them. Many don’t. Then come the educators, later on, professors… As an adult, we can consider your boss, representatives, and your president. In the meantime, a significant influence will come from your entourage, your friends.
Now, from all these people you’ll stick with patterns which affect your behavior, the way of being. What happens if let’s say in 30 years of life your role models are 80% bad ones? How can you overcome such an influence, you a social animal, who rely on relations?
“I think a role model is a mentor – someone you see on a daily basis, and you learn from them.” Denzel Washington
He says it well and points out the importance of frequency. Yes, that’s the key. You can change if your daily someone is a person who can help you grow.
Thing is we consider role models as being something positive, but the truth is that many negative role models have the same impact as the good ones. Taking the mind power into account and the frequency mentioned above your role model could be anyone who is present in your life or your mind. If you give someone a lot of time to be present inside your mind, you could get influenced by that particular person.
In fact, you can be influenced by your favorite TV shows.
“In shows watched day after day or week after week — like a Netflix or Tencent Video or BBC serial — people tend to begin identifying with characters.” WEFORUM.org
CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE
The good news is that you can change your role model whenever you want. For that, you need constant focus and discipline. Letting someone play a role in your life, influencing your thoughts, actions, feelings, can be done by watching videos, consistently and on a daily basis. Your time will be filled with the chosen models. This time a conscious choice. Books can have the same impact. Keep in mind that the most effective influence is through emotions. If someone does not evoke emotion in you, it won’t influence you.
That is why parents are our more significant influencers at an early age. You develop as a human through them; your needs will be directly met or denied by them. The way they treat you will shape your emotional roller-coaster about learning life, dealing with fears and unknown. Emotions will develop by what they are doing for you, to you. You’ll crave for love, care, attention, shelter, food, and you’ll be denied or satisfied. Your deep, most innocent love will be associated with the way they are acting and make you feel. The way you’ll handle life and emotions will be determined by the way you received what you wanted as a child.
As an adult, you have the chance to choose, improve, and change old beliefs, habits, and emotions. Those are the toughest ones to change. Every vulnerability you formed in your early age will try to rule over you as an adult. Using your inner power, determination, inclination, personal development, and the circle you’re in – you can overcome or not your fears, the bad algorithms, and programs. Role models can be those who not only help you grow but save you from same faulty programs implanted somewhere in your past.
ROLE MODELS SHOULD BE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE!
Find the right role models. Doesn’t matter where are you now, how low your self-esteem or state of mind is. You can always change. As long as you are alive. But remember, determination and discipline. You cannot rewrite a faulty program just with one click. Find the most suited role model and keep it present into your life. If you’re not “lucky” enough to have such a presence in your daily life, find it somewhere else.
Today you have this luxury. As I said, use videos, books, and keep them alive – on a daily basis. Supplement the hours spent with bad influencers with the new one. You should focus on someone who you can relate with. I’m sure you can find him or her. You can always find similar stories to yours when you search for it. Take the time to research appropriately until you find the one. Later on, you can find more mentors, but if you haven’t done this before start with one. Let yourself filled with its wisdom, keep him/her present.
EVALUATE YOUR CHOICE
Measure your choice. If your model makes you feel good about yourself, empowered, energized, in control, happy to live and ready to act this means you found the right person. I am not talking about jumping bridges or that crazy extreme stuff that could kill you or put you in dangerous situations. But those who inspire you through their stories, way of being. When you know what you are looking for with surgical precision, you’ll smell the genuine, same ways as you’ll feel the fake.
Many people cannot smell the fake; I see this every day. I believe that if you know exactly what you want you’ll receive just that. Same way I explained in this video about the human mind. Your direction and focus on that direction will affect the outcome. If you’re searching for a role model to make you feel good, or who achieved success or whatever, you can find fakes. But if you’re seeking the same thing including your own specific goal and why you want to accomplish that, things could change.
The intention of the search has meaning and power. Of course, if you just want to feel better about yourself, you can find a goofy one who’ll do just that, even if in other aspects you won’t take it as a model. But at least you announced your mind that you don’t want to model that person, you only want a boost of happiness.
KEEP THINGS REAL
You can even create a role model from a movie. You already know that. If you keep him/her alive in your mind, it will work. Remember the crazy followings and fans some cartoons have, not to mention heroes. Thing is you need to add the realistic ingredient; otherwise, your mind won’t be fooled. That’ why these TV shows can work, they relate to you on a deep level. The characters are built in a way that you can relate specifically to them, their joy and sadness.
Some try to fool their minds with things they don’t believe in. Fake it until you make it can work also in many fields, but you need a realistic trace for that. Will not work if you want to be Spider-Man jumping on the buildings and flying around with the help of your spider web. That’s something you believe in your heart as being fake. If it would be something real to you then, unfortunately, you would end up in the morgue after an attempt to jump, or in a hospital where you’ll find many other role models who’ll fit your mental reality.
So, choose! Evaluate and supplement your actual role models with the ones who fit what you want to do or accomplish in life. Reduce, if you can, your time with those who are not aligned with your vision. Think, EXPOSURE! How exposed you are on a daily, weekly basis to wrong models? Change the ratio at your pace, but I suggest to don’t wait a lifetime.
Give space to the new positive models to enter in your life and make them an active part of your days. Let yourself inspired over and over again. Implement the changes in yourself and ask for advice when needed. You can take any mentor, dead or alive and make it like, “What would she/he say/do/feel in this particular situation? What would be the advice to me?”
Your mind will change. Slowly or quickly, that depends on you. But it will.
Having good role models is like having a trump card, or a shortcut on the way to your success, achievement, transformation. Take it! Use it!
Here is my first personal development and business mentor:
Cristina Imre – High-End Coach for Top Performers; Keynote Speaker; Business Trainer & Strategist; Author; Entrepreneur