Let me tell you that these two things will kill not only your future self but your present too. We live in a world where opportunities are everywhere for everyone. Yet, taking the human psychology into the account if your mind is not ready you’ll pass them all. That’s what happens with most.
A wounded, altered mind won’t see what’s happening. Instead, it will feed on junk mental food and poison which kills dreams, options, and action.
The number one poison of your growth
Comparing yourself to others
How come you, a unique individual, hands all the power to others? Because comparing yourself with other unique individuals takes away your inner truth. Together with that, you’ll land all your gifts too. I agree that through the internet the pressure from others grew. But even if you scale it down to how things were before, you’ll notice the same pattern.
You’re looking around. And your childhood friend made it big time in his field. You’re nowhere. You feel the pressure. Your colleagues are all married and have kids so you feel an outsider and push yourself to comply. You do that by taking a wrong decision just to get married to someone and erase that noise. Others you are following, but younger, look more successful than you. That makes you feel inferior and you’ll try risky stupid things to equal them.
Your parents, sisters, brothers bug you about pretty much everything. What should you do? How should you behave? What should you have? Every family dinner has the same noise, pressuring you to become one of them. Or even better. Your parents failed in their life. So they had you and figured that’s their ticket to their vanished dreamland. They will do everything in their power to make you follow their lost lives. It could be unconscious but the damage is the same. They identify your destiny with theirs, and you feel obligated to follow.
By bringing the offline examples to the online, things get even crazier.
You figured that you should have the same happiness, prosperity, lifestyle then some stranger you happened to follow. Statistically, people tend to show only the good stuff and bury all the bad. So you’ll see the marketing, the selling machine of their Egos. And you’ll feel miserable because compared to an illusion your life looks really bad.
And the list goes on and on.
Lost in Paradise
As a result, an impressive number of lost grown-up people occupy the Earth. It’s amazing how people still don’t filter the information enough and how they don’t use it the right way. Smart minds around the globe came up with different answers to that. I’ll go with…
Sure, if you’re indoctrinated to think inaccurately and consume daily doses of how to comply it’s easy to get lost. When the mandatory schooling is so expired that even the chimpanzees evolve faster.
How come you are still schooled like in the Industrial Era? We are in 2018. And masses still follow something that works for the benefit of a few people.
But we are not stupid actually. You can take almost anyone around and have a conversation about the education system and they’ll agree it’s not right. Yet, they followed that route and even more so, they encourage their kids to do the same. How messed up is that? The modern brainwashing of some sort.
Let’s make this very clear. If you grew up knowing that your grades matter, to succeed you need to compete and get better to certain things – the damage is on your mindset. It’s not permanent. But as an adult, you’ll tend to follow the same route. And every time you’re out of the visible norms you should feel pain and unhappiness. You should fail the class, the class where compliance rules.
On the other hand, you could study success. Why don’t we have classes about this in school? Wouldn’t be a no-brainer to teach people those things they are the most interested about in life? Let’s see.
The most pursued things in life are happiness, love, prosperity, freedom, peace, joy, self-esteem, great relationships, fulfillment, and so on. Where are these things found in school? Where are those classes?
How to be happy?
What is success and how to find yours?
How to prosper?
How to find peace?
How to grow your self-esteem?
How to communicate and have great relationships?
How to be a leader?
Isn’t this odd? At least enough to make you think? Children learn mathematics, physics, geography, history, you name it. But they are not thought about how to deal with life? How to integrate what they learn? How to find themselves? How to be happy?
How to not make a cake in four years
It’s like I want to bake a cake. For that, I’ll take classes over the next four years where I will learn everything I can imagine about sugar. Same thing about wheat, and other ingredients. I’ll also have extra classes to learn about pans and trays. At the end of the four years, I can write a book about the history of cooking, but I won’t be able to do that cake.
That’s happening in our current educational system. You don’t need to have the big picture and figure out the data which can transform numbers into your allies. You just need to have fragments of the truth, knowing that you won’t be able to put things together later on. Because you won’t have time. The jobs will take care of this. C’est la vie!
Self-Help and Personal Development
So the only chance for you is to continue education outside the traditional schooling system. But not so many do that. And if you are an adult already you’re too busy. You’ll consider this will take you away from what you need to do!?
What do you need to do? Comply? What’s the alternative? Be happy? Oh, doesn’t worth the effort. So most won’t do it. They don’t think long-term or deeply enough. But until the system won’t change dramatically that’s your only chance. Study on your own, as much as you can. Because if you studied 10+ years to be good with numbers, you cannot expect to be good as a human in a couple of hours per year or month. Balance is important.
People want things quickly but yet they sacrificed their youth on mandatory things.
It’s not easy reversing something so programmed into your system. But becoming aware of it is the first step. So be aware. Analyze your current actions. Find those parts that are not your truth. Why are you doing the things you do? For yourself or for others? You do it because someone told you that this is how your life should be? Or because you saw how others live their lives around you or online?
When you identify the mismatch between your true passion and the norms you can start rerouting yourself. If you’re trapped in a life where your options for change are very limited, start small but consistent.
Figure out one hour per day when you can do something for yourself in the new direction. You can find one hour, trust me. Give yourself a month, better more, to get the feel of that new reality, your new life. During one hour a day, you’ll be in that mindset where you’re doing something that resonates deeply inside you. Something you feel right and real. Something that’s about you, your path, your future, the visions of your fulfilled life.
You need to spend some time this way to reconfigure the current status quo. During this time you’ll start seeing new things, like little clues which at one given time will form a bigger picture about what you need to do.
Your one hour will become more efficient, oriented to more specific objectives. You’ll start figuring out things. Your inner change will start. In a couple of months, you’ll find a way to spend even more time on your true road.
Don’t stress yourself for now! Small pieces of a puzzle, like an hour a day, could seem worthless, but they aren’t. The puzzle cannot reveal itself if one piece is missing. But once you found the first piece you’re more likely to find the second one. Embrace discipline and perseverance. If it’s all you do, nothing else, just commit to that one hour long enough and your entire life will change.
All the rest will come. The big picture, the perfect idea, the road, the options, everything will shape by itself when your mind follows the right direction.
Have faith in the process. It’s no other way. And it’s not too late. Don’t beat yourself up if you think you’re old or it’s too late. It’s not. You wouldn’t be on this Earth anymore if your time has passed.
2) Thinking that someone owes you something
I’m not talking only about entitlement here, although it’s part of the picture. The entitled ones are the new generation who suffers once out into the world when the safeguard built at home vanishes.
The huge potential of the highly intelligent youngsters today can be wasted by fake expectations and the illusion of the magic pill. Luckily, there is a group from this generation who didn’t have that entitled set-up and those, in my opinion, are unbeatable. I would partner with them without blinking. But those who were unfortunate to have it all at home, or receive gratification for the smallest things they’ve done are an endangered species.
Anyhow, I want to point out something new here which is not necessarily attributed to the new generation but works for every age group.
Thinking someone owes you can come from multiple painful experiences. You were betrayed by someone close. You landed money and never received it back. You did something precious for someone who forgot you without even saying a thank you.
You were told that you’ll be taken care of by someone and the deal was off. You were made to believe a lot of things from someone, even family, which later on proved to be empty promises or simply lies.
You expected something from the government or the community because you were told about some aids or benefits which had short legs.
The idea is that you were sold to something, an idea, went on trust or built up your expectations based on something from someone. So the power in this instance is outside of you. Again.
The Pandora’s Box
Many times such circumstances, especially betrayals, cause so much pain that people refuse to recover expecting something from the past to manifest in the future. And they borrow their life for promises. They stop living for one year, five, 10, a lifetime.
This is that kind of danger I would call – The Pandora’s Box. In the illusion of some sort of gain or gratification, you pause your life letting everything happen to you without any control.
And I want to emphasize on the situations when you actually did something in return of something never received. Even money. You see it different, but it’s not. If you were genuinely betrayed, disinherited, you name it – it’s the same thing.
Yes, you’re entitled to feel pain and outrage, but watch out. From such an occurrence you can transfigure your life. You’ll reconfigure the world through these glasses and you’ll see everywhere similar dangers. You will continue waiting, whining, cursing, pursuing the road of receiving that thing. But it’s not in your hands anymore. Yes, some legal stuff is, but if you cannot fight that battle or it’s worthless because it takes up half of your life, you need to see the truth. You’ve experienced a bad situation. That’s it. A situation.
Yell, cry, scream, and unload your pain or grief… BUT – with a deadline in place.
I’m serious. Deadlines should be used for good and bad. People get stuck in the past because they forgot to place a reasonable deadline. How much would you consider to sacrifice your life for this matter? For grieving too. One week is enough? One month? Two years? Is it worth it? Is it reasonable?
Set the deadline, unload your pain and done. Go live your life now!
Life is not fair!
One more thing. You should know by now that life is unfair. Deal with it. You and every single soul on this Earth need to deal with this reality. There are so many variables and probabilities in this world, that you cannot perceive all the “Why’s” from the cause and effect law.
But sure thing, for what we can see and measure life around seems unfair. Many times you are on the gaining side, other times someone else is. But things are unfair, otherwise, there would be no hungry children anywhere and no one should know what life with a heavy water shortage is. So, yes. Life is not fair.
Let it go!
Deal with your past, let go. You must! If you want to fulfill your life, you need to let go to things that hurt you in any way, in any shape or form. Some of the most successful people on earth went through horror movies in their lives. And when they are asked about their past you won’t see that they are stuck there. It’s part of their past and they talk about it as such. They don’t hold emotions but lessons and experiences.
They moved on. That’s the secret.
If you keep someone accountable for your pain remember that they are in power over your life, without even knowing. Even if you didn’t saw them for 20 years, you keep them alive without living your life. Or waiting for a promise for over 10 years. So many wasted lives. For what?
You can see such things at any level. Outside successful-looking people who you think they have it all. Yet, they are so miserable inside, waiting for something from the past. Something that only exists in their mind. They kept an illusion alive.
So they won’t enjoy anything they have, because what they have is in the present, while their mind is in the past.
You can be anyone. If you’re dealing with one of the two poisonous things in your life, I have news for you. There is a life waiting for you outside of these walls you’re living in. It’s really here, come and get it. You’re trapped in your own prison.
The walls are yours, I can’t break them down, and nobody can. But you can. In exactly one second if you want to. But do you?
If you know that starting today in one year you can change your life significantly by deploying disciplined actions on a daily basis, would you do it? Because most people won’t.
Cristina Imre – High-End Coach for Top Performers; Keynote Speaker; Business Trainer & Strategist; Author; Entrepreneur